Thing I can’t do today:
- Find my muse.
I’m struggling to find something to write about, and normally I just wouldn’t come back to this until I felt ~*Inspired~* again. But I’m on a self-improvement mission, and that means stop whining about writers’ block and just put some pen to paper, girl.
This is really hard for me y’all, as I’ve done nothing all day but sit at my window – not unlike a lonely puppy – waiting for my new laptop to come in*. (I’m typing on it right now, and it’s just as amazing as I anticipated. Get on the Asus game y’all.)
My solution for today’s struggle:
I’m giving myself a theme, to write about any time I come up short this week on organic ideas. My Can’t Do theme this week is: Commitment.
You may be thinking, “Girl, who can commit comfortably these days? The dating scene right now is it’s own brand of commitment repellent.” And that’s a whole ‘nother blog, but I’m not talking about dating (today). I’m talking about life choices.
Here are some things I’ve yet to commit to:
- What subjects to work on for my graduate degree
- What my ultimate graduate degree will be (PhD? Master’s? Some certificates sprinkled here and there?)
- A career focus
- Piggybacking: Whether or not I want to get a fitness/nutrition certification
- Leapfrogging: Whether or not I’ll spend the time and resources to get and maintain the lifestyle necessary for me to even be successful with said fitness/ nutrition certification
- AND WHO WOULD I GET THE CERT FROM? NASM? ACE?
- Where I want to live in the next two years
- Whether I want to settle and “try for” kids one day
- Saving for travel to Francophone and Latin countries (preferably the ones with a strong Afro-Diasporic presence)
- Piggybacking on that: Practicing daily on my Spanish and French.
- What I want my online presence to be. Lol.
Some of those are more important to me than others – career focus and schooling, mostly. But these are all things that have been steady on my mind for quite some time, and it’s time that I face them head-on. I’m about to paraphrase, but I’ve read somewhere that being able to commit to something (and be successful at it) really boils down to cutting out all the proverbial background noise and just making that decision for yourself.
My problem? I’ve been waiting for some huge epiphany; a moment when my heart stops and my eyes glaze over and I am physically, emotionally, and mentally certain that this – whatever this is – is what I want.
Basically, I want to feel the way I feel when I fall in love. I’ve even come close – I’ve had the quick heartbeat, the excitement, the infatuation with a given idea or life path. I’m beginning to realize, however, that I will never have the heart-stopping moment I’m looking for if I don’t start working towards the things that I kind of, sort of, maybe want.
Commitment to a life path is really like commitment in a romantic relationship; if you want to reach a point where you’re ready to commit to a partner, you have to actively work to grow with that partner. Otherwise, there’s nothing left when those honeymoon feelings dissipate and, well – why commit if nothing’s been invested?
Honeymoons are great, and sometimes partners with no-strings-attached are f***ing necessary, okay?
When it comes to my life, though? I think I’m ready to stop having cold feet. .
* You may be wondering, What kind of grown woman waits at her window all day for a package? See, I live in an apartment building with absolutely no intercom system nor front office. As a result, I find myself checking out my window compulsively every 5 seconds to make sure no Fed Ex, UPS, or OnTrac vehicle appears without me being able to run down and unlock the front door before they leave my very expensive goodies out on the front porch for the world to get a grab at. No thanks.