Day Three.

Thing I Can’t Do:

  1. Stop comparing myself to others (feat. Instagram)
  2. Stop worrying about if others are comparing me to…others.

There’s absolutely nothing healthy about this habit of mine, but it’s something I do, often. Now, it’s not like the comparisons I make are usually of a negative nature. They’re simple, fleeting things. Here are some examples of today’s:

While lurking: “Wow, she wiped her whole Instagram and kept, like, three bomb photos. I should probably do that, mine is way too haphazard.”

While filling out a job application: “I wonder how other people answered this question.”

While doing entirely too much lurking: “No way, she’s in an interracial relationship too!? I wonder if they’ve had some of same conversations [my boo and I] have had?”

While trying out my lipstick: “Hmm, do I know anyone else with my skin tone who wears this lip color?”

While trying to take a selfie to show off said lipstick: “Damn, what angles do people use to make this shit work?”

So, as you can see, it ain’t Welcome to Haterville comparisons. They’re pretty mild on the surface, and I try to keep them positive. The only thing different about today’s comparisons is that at some point I asked myself, “What does that have to do with me, though?” (I think while I was lurking).

How I Spent Day Three:

For the rest of the day, when I found myself making a gratuitously comparative judgment about myself, I halted it with, “What does that have to do with me?” The result? These completely accidental spaces of mindfulness where I could just be mentally still, and stop worrying about how the Joneses spend their time on social media.

I asked myself that same question anytime I felt insecurities surrounding how someone else may receive me, especially professionally. While I’m trying to take this time to relax and not put all my eggs into the job search basket (yet), I’ve already gotten some interest from the few I’ve taken a chance and applied to. As I’ve started thinking of how I’ll conduct myself in my first phone interview (on Friday!), I’ve caught myself wondering how I’ll compare to other applicants. I’ve caught myself wondering how many other people are my age, or are changing career paths, or have similar experience. I’ve concocted entirely fictional characters and situations in my head where management teams are sitting at a table and saying, “That applicant had a great personality, but this applicant…” You get me.

I mean, that can’t be healthy. From here on out, I  ask myself the question – all together now – “What in the hell does that have to do with me and my life decisions?”

and my answer is, “Sheeeit, I don’t really know,”

that’s my que to stop thinking about it and keep it pushing.

 

 

 

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Congrats and embrace the journey!🙌🏽👣🌸

    Like

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