Thing I can’t do:
- Trust myself.
- Answer to myself.
I’m not going to treat this page like a formula. Time and time again, I get these big ideas that I want so badly to put out into the universe. I’ll spend days drawing up my plan and my purpose, and spend any extra brainpower daydreaming about the end result.
Big dreams are great. The problem is being so focused on the ‘big’, complete part that your baby steps – the most important ones, I’d argue – are never as grand as the steps you’ve already taken in your mind. As a result, you’re dissatisfied and full of self-doubt and Imposter Syndrome and you just…quit.
Consistency is one of the hardest things for me, and it’s mostly due to my fear of never living up to the dreams in my head. The second hardest thing for me is trusting myself – because, again, what happens if I trust myself when I say “I can do this,” and still come up short? Could I live through that?
How I’ve Spent Day (or Night) Two:
Allowed myself to be vulnerable.
This included being honest with colleagues and friends about my current career situation. By the way, it was not at all difficult to open up and be like, ” Oh, I don’t work there anymore.”
No, the hardest part was being real when people asked, “So what kind of work are you looking for now?”
My answer? “Well, I think I need this week or two to figure that out.” I’m sure I said it gracefully enough, but that shit was hard.
I think I’ve spent so much time keeping my mouth shut for fear of saying the wrong thing (or saying something I’m afraid I can’t live up to) that my desires – work-related and otherwise – aren’t even fully formed to myself anymore.
So I’ma give myself time, or whatever. Preferably with an affogato and a creative (if slightly hipster and/or insufferable) atmosphere. There’s really no better place to be “in between jobs” (or as I like to say, “on vacation”) than Los Angeles. Truly.